Statue of Limitations

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be taking the liberty of freely reviewing the history of God Bless America, studying the film in depth and reporting on it’s bloody backdrop, so read on only of you have already seen God Bless America or never plan to.

“If I don’t hit the right note, I’ll wing it.”

00:02:27 The mother screams, “Don’t shoot! I have a baby!” then tosses the baby in the air and the bloke shoots the baby in the air like a clay pigeon. This is boding very, very well.

00:02:44 Except it’s all imaginary. Boding very badly now. Very badly. Back-bode.

00:03:38 Fake reality show where an American gal pulls out her tampon and throws it at her housemate. Back to the well-boding.

Christmas Period: When that time of month comes only once a year

0:05:09 An apparently mentally handicapped lad sings ‘Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You Going To)’ on an American Idol copy called American Superstarz and does so badly that he draws the mocking wrath of the panel, which includes an ersatz Simon Cowell. This is more real than a reality show.

0:12:48 The next day, typically annoying officemates push our Sad Sack hero to the point that he takes out a gun and goes on a rampage…that’s going to be imaginary again. When does the real mayhem start? If this film is mayhemless, I shall not be pleased.

Make my day…go faster.

0:13:55 A bloody beautiful rant against American Idol.

0:16:55 Going a little overboard with the rants. Is this a film or a Speaker’s Corner rickety platform?

0:19:28 Sad Sack is sacked for sexual harassment when all he did was send flowers to a receptionist who’d been having a bad day. To make matters worse, Frank could do better than her. Or at least thinner.

0:21:15 In a time saving leap, he’s in the physician’s office and a rude doctor is explaining that our Sad Sack (Frank) has an inoperable brain tumour, while insulting his car dealer on his mobile.

“Hmm, I can’t see a thing on this laptop.”

“Help desk? My keyboard is missing and the screen is blank.”

0:22:59 For someone who criticises American pop culture so much, our hero likes to watch a lot of telly. Seriously, all the time.

0:27:45 Brilliant BRMC tune. ‘Beat the Devil’s Tattoo‘

0:30:58 Alice Cooper ‘School’s Out’ while Frank handcuffs Chloë (a spoiled 16-year-old girl he saw on a reality show the night before) inside her car, stuffs a rag in her petrol tank, douses it with lighter fluid and then sets it on fire. AKA, ‘Another reason to watch this bleeding film’.

0:37:39 A young girl (Roxy) who witnessed the spoiled murder of spoiled Chloë comes by Frank’s hotel room later and convinces him not to kill himself, but Chloë’s parents instead.

0:39:12 The gun jams after Frank kills the father (realistic funny), so he chases the mother around the house but catches up with her as his young accomplice is dragging a knife through the mum’s stomach in a way that looks almost sexual. Death is coming.

Sexecution?

0:46:10 The pair are in a cinema. How much would you like to wager that the next ass murder (as in ‘the murder of an ass’ and not a sexual reference) is someone who uses a mobile in the theatre? If he doesn’t, I will.

0:47:10 Brilliant, the one’s with the phones are annoying chatty teens as well! The cathartic thing about this film is that the ‘victims’ are people we’ve all wanted to kill at one time or another. #behonest

0:49:38 I was right, but the mobile kill was a little disappointing compared to the others. I’ve come to expect a lot from the killing in this film.

Otherwise known as “Riding Shotgun”

0:52:19 Target practice and shooting lessons with a teddy bear tied to a tree.

I think Elvis would be proud.

Not a fashion shoot

0:59:11 Bordering on the sate of hypocrisy as the pair discuss which television programmes, books and musical groups it’s ‘cool’ to like. #hiphopcrisy

1:00:46 Speech about the glories of Alice Cooper. Note to self, look up ‘Only Women Bleed‘.

1:01:28

Diablo Cody is the only stripper who suffers from too much self esteem.

1:06:01

Jesus, Frank, you look like fuck pie.

Teenage Roxy when Frank wakes up

Would that be cherry?

Even if this is exactly what they were ranting about Diablo Cody doing, I approve of this expression.

‘Fingers.’ She’s about to say “Fingers are fun.”

1:08:41 After another (this time political) vent, they do in an ultra conservative talk show host. #RushLimpball

1:12:41 We’re reminded Frank hasn’t told the girl the reason for his migraines is a tumour the size of Keith Richard’s blood transfusion.

1:14:10 Murder and mayhem montage. Tea Party members murdered…#Fatali-tea. Man who takes up two parking spaces…group meant to be Westboro Baptist Church… #HoleyGods

1:17:48 We learn that the handicapped lad who sang ‘Theme From Mahogany’  at the beginning of the film tried to commit suicide, and has been invited to perform at the live finale of the show American Superstarz. If at first you don’t succeed…

“I’ll be performing my rendition of ‘Midnight Special…Olympics’.”

1:23:54 Frank sees Roxy’s parents on TV asking for their daughter to come home. Realizing she has parents, Frank steals a perv’s truck and throws Roxy the keys to the yellow sports car he stole from his obnoxious neighbour way back at the beginning and I forgot to tell you.

1:24:06 Beautiful and tragic, Lost River/Old River doing a ditty called ‘Missing Mountains’. I would love to go through Bobcat Goldthwait’s record collection.

1:24:49 Roxy goes back to her parents, looking zombie lost and death angry in the news, while Frank looks like he angel misses her in the hotel room watching her.

1:28:32 Frank’s walking in Hollywood. I know where he, and this, is going: American Superstarz.

Death Comes Prematurely

1:29:17 I’m always surprised when I like a Kink’s song (that isn’t “Lola”) but I like, ‘I’m Not Like Everybody Else‘.

1:30:38 During the live (for the moment) broadcast, Steven Clark, the mentally and vocally challenged young man, sings ‘Theme From Mahogany’, even worse than the first time. He needs more special education.

1:33:37 After shooting a stage hand, Frank goes out on stage and pops an obnoxious, booing, older lad whose blood sprays out of the back of his head and onto the faces of the people in the row behind him. #facial

Kids: This is NOT what is meant by “shooting up”

1:34:18 He shoots the Simon Cowell character and no one even panics, as though we all knew it had to happen at one moment or another.

1:35:06 He makes the remaining hosts dance and sing and makes the audience mock them but neither the revenge satisfaction nor the sense of justice is really there. This may be the point.

1:35:35 Roxy is in the audience and yells a warning to Frank, who turns and shoots a guard as the police fill the theatre.

1:36:01 If this was a reality show in reality, Frank, on stage with a hefty degree of weaponry and surrounded by a copse of police, would be dead by now. WTF!?

Shooting Star

1:38:38 After finally telling Roxy she’s a pretty girl (and he’s right), he hands her the gun and reaches for the pistols in his belt the police don’t even say anything, let alone shoot him at a perfect opportunity. WTF!?

Have a Blast

1:38:52 As Steven (the slow boy) says he attempted suicide because he was sad he would never be on TV again (and not as a result of the bullying), Frank shoots him first, and then Roxy shoots the judges and still the police don’t interfere. WTF!? (or is it the the same WTF!? from before?)

1:39:11 Finally the police decide to fire back and the pair go down in a hail of bullets. Roll credits.

Race you to the Other Side? On your marks…

1:39:26 Alice Cooper’s ‘I Never Cry’ to watch the credits by.

Tally Ho’

• WTF!?’s: Only 3
• When to Follow: Good music, good jokes and only a little too preachy. Watch God Bless America any time, but especially after a day spent wading through the dregs of humanity.

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

World’s youngest cereal killer