Spoiler Alert:
I shall be investigating the video of Willow Creek, examining its evidence and exploring its story to determine if it’s legendary or simply a big misstep. So read on only if you’ve already seen Willow Creek, or don’t plan to.
A vehicle for their talent
Because Bobcat Goldthwait.
At first I thought my appreciation of the Bobcat must be due to the American in me, but even after he left, I still appreciate Bobcat’s style.
0:03:31 Found bigfootage film of a youngish couple (Alexie Gilmore as Kelly and Bryce Johnson as Jim) on the trail of Sasquatch. Their conversation about douches and dirty vaginas shows them putting their bigfoot in their mouths.
0:08:16 What I find thoroughly amazing is how good these actors are. Seriously, I know real couples who are this annoying.
0:08:44 In the Early Bird diner (Home of the Bigfoot Burger), there’s a Missing Poster for a woman in her late 50s who was last ‘scene’ at the PJ Bar. Identifying marks include “daisy tattoo on left little toe”. A conversation ensues where Kelly misunderstands Jim so well, the exchange must be ad-libbed.
Jim: [Looking at Missing Poster photo] That girl seems pretty happy to be missing.
Kelly: What’s that…
Jim: I should take a picture of you, of what you would look like if you went missing. [Meaning, I assume, with a desperate and forlorn expression on her face.] So that, if you ever went missing, I could show what you would actually look like.
Kelly: OK.
Jim: We’ll dirty you up… Give me your ‘missing’ photo face.
[Kelly, not getting it, smiles as though she were posing for a school photo]
Jim: [Laughing] I don’t think that’s…
Kelly: No?
Jim: No.
Kelly: How ’bout this? [Blank faced expression]
Jim: That’s pretty good.
Kelly: Yeah?
Jim: Yeah.
Kelly: But I do feel like they all smile.
But Jim wasn’t asking you to imitate an actual Missing Person poster, he was asking you to show what a person who’s missing truly looks like while they’re missing. Men are from Mars and women don’t understand anything.
What Jim meant
0:11:51
Jim: This is the great ‘Ohma’ statue, carved by Jim McLaren out of one giant piece of Redwood, right around the time Patterson shot his famed footage.
Kelly: I like his bangs.
Jim: You do?
Kelly: Yeah, the whole flippy thing going on.
Jim: Well, he [Jim McLaren] didn’t. He wished he could’ve re-carved it after he heard Albert Ostman’s account.
Kelly: You’re really making me horny.
Lol. I appreciate films that would get my jokes.
Spent all day in the hair saloon
0:12:39
Very Handy
0:12:56 Interview with an elderly woman (Nita Rowley, as herself) who works at the Willow Creek visitor centre. She’s not a believer in Bigfoot, but she does believe in bears and mountain lions. I suspect that she herself might be a cougar.
0:14:26 Interview with Steve Streufert (as himself) at Bigfoot Books, who looks a little skeevy, especially when he talks about making amateur porn with the type of camera Roger Patterson used when filming Bigfoot.
0:17:17
Kelly: Just getting to this site… Is it kind of dangerous, or would you…?
Steve Streufert: Well, there is a thing we call the Curse of Bluff Creek.
Kelly: What’s that?
Steve: Well, that’s sort of related to the Curse of Bigfoot. The Curse of Bigfoot usually means you’re going to get divorced, that your friends will all think you’re crazy. You’ll be impecunious and you’ll spend all of your days looking for something you’ll never find.
Yes, I mock him, but only because his vocabulary is more capacious than mine. (‘Impecunious‘?)
Wants to make “Willow Creep”
0:17:48
There’s no food and no water, unless you wanna drink the wild water.
Steve on the dangers of looking for the site
Wild water? WTF!?
0:18:42 Interview with Tommy Yamarone (as himself), ‘the Bob Dylan of the Bigfoot community’.
0:21:38 Interview with a woman, Shaun L White Guy Sr. (WTF!?), a native American who shares that, when she was a little girl, Bigfoot made her dad crash his car. I’d be inclined believe this, if ‘Bigfoot’ is a brand of cheap, local whiskey.
0:24:52 Interview with Troy Andrews (Rpeter Jackson, who doesn’t act as well as the people playing themselves, or even people playing with themselves), a ranger tells the story of how “sumpin’ or something” ripped his hunting dog apart.
Troy: There’s a lot of people live back in these woods and they just don’t like other people in their business.
Jim: Like who?
Troy: Like pot farmers and river people. Locals. I don’t know, pets and people go missing all the time here.
So does grammar. #whom
0:29:02 Timmy Red – 952 Frames of Truth
Interestingly enough, Timmy Red is also listed as “Productivity Manager” in the credits. Yes, ‘interesting’ is relative.
0:29:24 A backwoods warning, illiterally.
Spelling Be
0:34:18 As Jim and Kelly near the entrance to the site, a large bear (in the gay sense) tells the couple to turn around, drive back to town and have a piece of pie in the Fuck Off café. I wonder what that pie would taste like.
0:36:24 Jim knows of a different way to access the trail, so he drives off in another direction. Those bells you hear are the loud peals of WTF!? that Kelly doesn’t protest after she’s been expressing concern about the trek throughout the film. Am I ballsy enough to go there where a local mountain man just threatened me away from? Only if we’re talking about a sex joke.
0:38:44 WTF!? They’re looking for Bigfoot and they casually stroll by a huge mound of earth and wood with a doorway and don’t even comment on it? Jim must have more experience with holes than I. #DoubtIt
A plot hole
0:39:16 Wow, Kelly is suddenly very tense and aggressive. Maybe she’s experiencing the sudden onslaught of her period. Or she’s Bigfoot. #SameThing
0:41:29 Jim reaches the site where Bigfoot was first filmed and celebrates by skinny dipping. After 41 minutes of wondering what Kelly sees in him, I’m beginning to understand: it’s not what she sees in him, but on him.
0:41 :38
Kelly: How cold do you think that is?
Judging from what we can detect beneath the water, it’s very, very cold.
Baby got half-back
0:42:01 When Jim leaves the water, he finds his sock hanging in a tree. It’s weird, yes, but even weirder is that it’s a coat tree.
0:42:22 Their camp site is destroyed and their tent demolished. Kelly says she wants to go home.
I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s probably just a bear.
Jim, putting the ‘ass’ in reassuring
0:45:12 Late at night, in the tent, camera rolling…
Jim: So listen, you know I love you, right? I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. And, uh, well… [Breaks out the ring] Kelly, will you marry me?
Kelly: [Silence] I don’t know what to say.
Jim: You could start by saying ‘yes’.
Kelly: [Very long and painful silence] I really care about you. I do. I really do. I just think it might be too soon.
Whatever happens during the rest of the film, it will never get as painful for Jim as this.
“Two heads are better than one” – Headhunter
046:54 The suspense is ruining me. I’m dying for them to get it over with, as they soon will be.
0:55:44 While delineating the possible sources of the noises, they list everything, including the perv at the bookshop, but neglect to mention the insane mountain man who physically threatened Jim? Would you like sugar with that WTF!?
0:59:52 I think it’s cute how Jim and Kelly think they’re safe inside the tent. As if rain proofed polymer the thickness of human skin could protect them from anything larger than my salary.
0:47:28 – 1:05:37 A single take that lasted nearly 20 minutes with, as far as I can tell, no cuts. Impressive job by both actors, especially Kelly, though Jim did his part by not getting in her way.
“Eww, it’s coming back out.”
1:06:38 The next morning, at dawn, the couple leave for their car. Jim picks up random hair samples he finds along the path. Like hair of the dog without the hangover.
1:10:28 Kelly realises they’ve been walking in circles for three hours. And not just in their relationship.
1:12:16 Jim and Kelly are chased away by an invisible Bigfoot. He resembles all of the other Bigfeet in that respect.
A Field ‘Trip’
1:16:06 While running away from noises in the night, they find a naked slapper (certainly the missing woman from the poster) surrounded by other noises. Jim is then attacked by noises, that cause the sound of his clothes to tear. The close-up shot of grass is the same that begins the film, then Jim is dragged away screaming by darkness. For a lot of nothing, it’s really something.
1:17:12 Kelly’s screams are followed by Bigfoot wails. No mention is made of how this footage was found. Why do I care?
Roll credits
(The music is “Roger and Bob (Rode Out That Day)” performed by Rozwell Kid)
Tally Ho’
- WTF!?’s: 3 that stepped on my toes
- When to Follow: Unfortunately, many people won’t like this film for lack of action and gore. Fortunately, there are those, like me, who will appreciate its intimate look at Americana and Goldthwait’s capacity to develop suspense out of thin air.
- Where’s This Found: Out of a possible 10, I have 7 F’s to give
- What To Feedback: Do you believe in Bigfoot? Yes or no, let us know down below.
All GIFs used in this review were created with the Imgflip online meme generator
Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos
Prints suitable for reposting!
What to Follow Up
WTF!? Review of another Bobcat Goldthwait offering
WTF!? review of another found footage film
Fernby Films brilliant review of a different type of found footage horror
Al K Hall’s Booze Revooze of the Paranormal Activities
