Spoiler Alert:

I shall be analysing the Odd Thomas, playing the Odds until the end, counting on it’s lines, and gambling with it’s chances to see if Odd Thomas is in our favour or just another loser. So read on only if you’ve already seen Odd Thomas, or don’t plan to.

“You wanted to break into television!”

0:00:46 It’s Anton Yelchin from Start Trek, and various other sundry films, as a kid named “Odd Thomas”. This may be the first time I’ve heard him act without a Russian accent. On my To-do list, this is one thing I can Chekov.

0:03:25 Odd Thomas can see ghosts, so a young teen spirit (smells like, anyway) leads him to a bloke driving a muscle car who killed her the night before. When your past comes back to haunt you…

0:03:07

I may see dead people, but then by God I do something about it.

Odd (the character’s real name) chases Harlo, the murderer, and kicks his arse at a neighbourhood pool party. That’s so…Odd.

0:07:16 Willem Dafoe plays an understanding cop who arrests the bad guys Odd finds. As Chief Wyatt Porter is more normal than Willem’s usual roles, I’m tempted to say, “Willem Dafuq?” But I won’t.

0:10:58 Odd works in a diner that sells CGI prepared food and has a girlfriend (Addison Timlin as Stormy Llewellyn) who is cute for someone who can’t even act surprised.

“Chef’s special? Yes, he is.”

0:12:45 In addition to seeing dead people, Odd can also see something called ‘Bodachs’ which are aluminium coloured metal morphing dog men which feed on destruction and chaos. Like politicians. Also like politicians, the more of them that show up, the more destructive the event will be.

0:19:32 If you like Addison Timlin, I’d suggest buying the Odd Thomas DVD straight away, because I imagine you’ll be seeing her in nothing after this. Though many males would like to see her in just that, I’m sure.

0:28:08 Poking around Robert Robertson’s (the strange guy the Bodachs were following earleir) house, Odd finds pictures, files and a missing calendar page indicating the chap has a murderous schedule. ‘Murderous’, meaning he plans to become a mass murderer tomorrow. “My schedule is killing me other people.”

“WTF!? Is that a blonde yamaka or were you John Hurt in Alien?”

0:29:45 Willem’s partner looks and acts like someone who is evil, and I’m not saying that because he’s a ginger. Well, not just because he’s a ginger.

0:32:22 Robert Robertson arrives at a church and beats it up while looking for Odd, who is picnicking atop the steeple with Stormy. It’s a difficult scene for Addison, as she cannot act up.

0:36:12 Odd calls Officer Willem, who’s in the middle of his wife, but takes the call.

0:40:30 The main actress was chosen for her talent with a half shirt.

A lot of hard wood in this scene

0:42:27 From where do I know that stylish actor playing Officer Simon Varner? Ah yes, it’s Nico Tortorella, the not-so-gay half of the gay couple in The Following. A man after my own hard-on.

0:43:08 The officer has a suspicious tattoo that leads me to believe he’s in cahoots with the other detective I found suspicious earlier on.

0:49:32 For Al K Hall [my patron of the hearts, who shares these humble offerings on his famous blog], a GIF of a young woman in a strapless top with big cleavage running in slow motion. Odd chases after her and I think we see why. Rottweilers catch up to her, however, and she died like her hair.

0:52:42

Your attempts at distraction from your lack of talent has no power over gay men, hussy!

0:57:42 Odd takes Robert ‘Bob’ Robertson’s corpse to an abandoned prison and locks him in a gas chamber, which is quite appropriate judging from the noises emanating from his decomposing body.

0:59:01 Willem/Chief Porter is shot in his pyjamas at his door, and not with a camera. A necklace Odd gave the Chief to save his life saved his life.

1:04:01 In Fungus Bob’s refrigerator we find a community of the horrifically large cockroaches crawling over a plastic box containing teeth still in braces, a sort of lasagne made with human fingers and ice cream buckets that contain heads. Looks like Thai food.

1:06:36 Now Odd Thomas is reassembling the puzzle of Bob’s skin where the bullet went in and discovers the same tattoo the cop had: POD – Prince of Darkness. Is it just me, or is this a little tame as satanic tattoos go?

1:08:01 The mass murder is set for the shopping mall. I’m not 100% convinced this is a bad idea, but Odd seems to think so. For some Odd reason.

1:09:30 Odd knocks out a man in a ski mask leaving the guard room at the mall, but he doesn’t know I predicted there were two police officers in on the attack. Serves him right for not reading my mind…or this blog.

In a moment, Stew will question the wisdom of wearing a piñata suit

1:09:49

Fungus Bob didn’t have just one kill buddy, he had two. One more and they could buy group health insurance or form a rock band.

Odd discovers what I knew all along, or let’s say I did.

1:11:15 The Bodachs have been manipulating Odd Thomas to divert him away from the true ringleaders of the massacre. Life’s a bitch and then many of them die in a shopping mall.

1:14:28 A whole nest of Bodachs cover the walls of the mall while the lead Bodach screams at Odd but doesn’t hurt him. A woman yells “He’s got a gun!”, yet there is no gun fire while the people run to safety. There’s about as much action now as Amish laser tag.

Wheel of Misfortune

1:15:23 There we are. The doors to the mall lock themselves (WTF!?) and the killer opens fire.

1:16:32 Odd fights his way through the Bodachs and is able to shoot the shooter in the head before he kills anyone. Something tells me this won’t be as easy as it looks. That may be the fact there are 20 minutes left to the film.

1:16:59 Just when you think Stormy is dead, she rises up from behind the ice cream counter she works at. Like the dead.

1:18:04 Ah, the man Odd killed was a character so minor I forgot to bore you with him. He controlled the dogs that ate the blonde, basically. Sick her.

1:18:26 WTF!? Odd follows the dead blonde ghost after taking the mask off the gunman but without taking the man’s guns? Does he not think fire-power might come in handy when coming up against a maniac with a machine gun? #optimist

“I don’t think that’s supposed to go up there like that.”

1:19:12 In the mall’s indoor car park where no one seems to be too bothered by the shoot-out, Odd finds a van full of explosives and a timer with less than three minutes on it. Enough time for a quickie (I’m talking about his escape, or sex with me.)

1:19:28 Lady Killer (amongst others) cop is possessed by a Bodach and sees Odd has discovered the explosives, so he shoots Odd an odd number of times while Odd drives the van out of the car park. Odd knows how to take a bullet better than some American presidents.

1:21:34 Very nice scene in which Odd jumps from the van just as Handsome jumps in and the van crashes through a cement barrier before landing in a drainage ditch and exploding there harmlessly, killing only Handsome and a Bodach, if Bodachs know how to die. Here, a video is worth a thousand words.

1:22:38 In the denouement, Odd is a hero, the Chief pulls through, the two bad police officers had been devil worshippers as kids and killed someone and found they liked it so they joined forces with Fungus Bob and the insignificant partner to all move to a small town to try and kill it.

1:25:14 How did I not see it before! Of course Stormy died in the mall! This whole romantic interlude they’ve been showing is Odd with Stormy’s ghost. I’m actually quite upset at myself for not getting this a lot sooner.

1:28:02 The goodbye scene is touching, maybe because Addison doesn’t have any lines to choke on.

1:29:38 Odd moves to Las Vegas to fight evil against all Odds and to pass time before he can see Stormy again. Roll credits.