Love thy neighbour like yourself: with your left hand so it feels like someone else

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be exploring Red State in great detail, mapping out the action and getting the lay of the land. I will explore it thoroughly and survey the territory it covers so read on only if you’ve already seen Red State or don’t plan to.

“Lord, please grant me hands as feminine as my husband’s.”

0:01:38 Travis is supposed to be a high school kid? I thought the woman in the car with him was his wife, not his mother. Perhaps he’s been held back 16 times. He was stupid enough to do this movie, after all.

0:03:59 What a god awful incredible mullet that boy has. It’s so beautiful, I may vomit.

0:09:50 3 post teen adolescents drive to get laid by a cougar they found on the internet. You can’t fault this film for lack of realism.

When White People Dance

0:13:46 Of course the beers she forced them to drink were spiked. How else could they get drunk on American beer?

0:15:13 Waking up in a cage covered in a dirty white sheet isn’t by half as freaky as the hymn they’re singing.

0:18:14 While the mad preacher is preaching to loll us into a false sense of purity, I’d like to mention that the figure under the sheet on the cross is one of the young men, dead in a horrible way.

0:19:23 That one religious nut looks like Octomom.

0:19:31 Now I remember how I found this film. I was doing research on Argo‘s Kerry Bishé (she’s in this) and found this horror movie with her, made by Kevin Smith, whose work I quite like.

“Please, Ben, I’ll do anything to be in “Argo”.”

0:20:40 The actor who portrays the preacher is doing a mighty fine job.

Goes to Nick Notle’s barber and can cont to 5

0:22:46 Interesting directing. I’m just as bored as if this were a real church service. It’s been going on a full 5 minutes now.

0:25:40 They haven’t started torturing the guy on the cross yet. My bad, I was sure they had, and am sure they should have.

“Ugh, this is the last time I order a Red Ball.”

0:27:01 I’m a little lost. The preacher keeps repeating he’s going to kill these boys because they’re gay, but they were entrapped by a woman. WTF!?

0:29:22 Oh, I see, the gent they just killed was a real homosexual but not one of the three boys. The one is in the cage and the other two are politely not screaming in a storage space under the floorboards, tied up back to back, dodging the bodies of plastic wrapped victims raining down on them.

“I am not a beef burrito, I am a human being!”

0:33:49 Nice scene where the buddy abandons his friend to get free. Shame Smith will ruin it by making the escapee pay for his cowardice with his life. Which kind of makes Smith as judgemental as the preacher he’s mocking.

0:38:34 John Goodman! And also from Argo. And Ben Affleck knows Kevin Smith… Hmm, small movie.

“Hand over the toothpicks so I can stop my face from sliding off.”

0:45:47 If the door you want to use to hasten your escape is locked, perhaps using the automatic weapon you’re holding would be more efficient than trying to wear it down with incessant whimpering.

0:57:21 We’ve just escalated from horror to action. And it’s working.

1:06:41 That 4 year old girl looked like she was crying for real. More than just the motion pictures, Hollywood is also good at producing future heroin addicts.

1:11:30 Blasts of music coming from Heaven, literally. This film just got one notch better.

1:21:11 Back to the talking and the slow game, in which we are all losers.

“Praise God you cured my sweat stains.”

Tally Ho’

• WTF!?’s: Around 2
• When to Follow: Watch this film after seeing Dogma but before Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

John Goodman realizes the pack of fags is begging to be smoked