OR ACT.
Spoiler Alert:
I shall be examining all The Day, to see if it’s long or hard and decide if it’s worth living. As I’ll be breaking it down minutely, you should only read this review if you have already been through The Day or don’t plan to.
Certainly not that haircut
0:00:50 Dominic Monaghan looking more like Charlie the addict in Lost than Merry the Hobbit.
0:01:43 His girlfriend was abducted from a minivan while he ransacked a house in a post-apocalyptic suburb. One question. Zombie or No Zombie?
0:02:37 Hmm, Dominic co-produced. Putting his money on the lines.
0:05:57 Good news. Young lasses still look sexy post- apocalypse, if a little grungy. In fact, one of them looks a little bit like Olivia Munn and the other looks like a ballet school star with mud on her face. Yes, precisely that tough. The men just look like they sacrificed hygiene at the first possible opportunity.
…or that try to watch this film.
0:09:48 There’s a thin line between suspense and boredom. This film just crossed the line.
0:11:36 Coughing Guy is rather annoying. I hope he’s the first to go.
0:15:40 I’d suspected it but I’m afraid it’s true. The brunette looks a lot better than she acts. I now officially hope she’s the first to go.
0:17:22 Where was this school they all attended together where they all had widely varying accents including English and American? School of fishy?
A “baby” gun
0:17:58 The dumb brunette takes a shower in running rain water. This is why they brought her along and probably where she gets it. One way or the other.
0:18:28 Or perhaps not. Dominic Monaghan joins her in the shower but keeps his trousers on. WTF!?
0:21:27 Ballerina is addicted to cigarettes yet when she smokes she doesn’t inhale. Maybe she’s just addicted to lighting cigarettes.
“Yeah, I’m winking at you!”
0:24:42 Why is Dominic the leader? Simply because he gets paid the most?
0:29:14 Now Ballerina is bathing in a stream with her underwear on. It would seem no one in the apocalypse is ever naked.
0:30:29 If you ever decide to watch this film, start at 0:30:29. That’s how long it takes for the action to start.
0:31:30 Dominic Monaghan dies at the beginning. Points for unpredictability.
“No one surprises me on the loo!”
0:33:39 The boards above them are thin with light shining through between them yet they’re looking for something to pry open the thick, impenetrable, locked metal door? WTF?!
“One false move and the ceiling gets it!”
0:39:56 A rather long flashback to explain the origin of Ballerina’s trauma. It will be horrific and tedious.
0:48:35 Coughing Guy has gotten a lot healthier since his best friend died and his other mate started torturing Ballerina, who’s now tied to a chair because she belonged to the cannibal clan that wants to attack them for dinner.
0:52:12 Our crew let Ballerina go because the cannibals ate her sister (and not in the fun way), so now she must assist them in trashing the clan-nibals.
0:56:08 Good news, ten years into the post-apocalyptic world and women still shave their underarms smooth. Bad news, men care even less than they do before the apocalypse.
Sneaking inside to shave her pits.
1:04:29 The head head hunter’s son died. The question is, does he eat his own flesh and blood?
1:07:03 I don’t understand why the two women did nothing to save their black friend after he saved the brunette and shot four more bad guys. Apparently one does go back after going black. Or once you go black you stab him in the back.
1:15:04 Good music and good gore.
1:19:34 The bad news is people make a lot of boring speeches ten years after the apocalypse.
“That’s one bad cavity.”
1:19:53 I’ll wager the young canni-belle child who just got revenge by killing the bad actress will now come forward and ruin this happy ending.
1:21:16 No, she tried but lost her head.
Tally Ho’
- WTF!?’s: 4 of the worst ones
- When to Follow: After you watch The Road and you’re über depressed about the post-apocalyptic world, watch this one because it’s less realistic and it will be easier to tell yourself it’s only a film.
